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Face Licking: When Will It Be a Consent Issue?
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Recently there has been some upset in the world of hockey when one particular player, Brad Marchand, has been put on suspension for licking the face of two other players during the game. The more recent incident happened after Marchand had been punched a few times. He decided to respond by licking the other player’s face. NHL has warned Marchand with a threat of discipline. Marchand continues to be flippant about the situation. It’s clear he doesn’t see this as a big deal.
Why Isn’t the Face Licking Being Seen as a Consent Issue?
What’s interesting about a lot of the media coverage of this situation is that so far no one is seeing this as a consent issue. It’s clear that many people are upset about it, not just the players on the receiving end of the unwanted tongue. There is a lot of talk about how it’s a violation and that it should be seen on the same level as spitting, which is a $200 fine. Marchand has been quoted as calling that idea “cute” and through his twitter posts it’s clear he doesn’t care.
The only person who has weighed in on this issue as bordering on consent is Don Cherry. He pointed out that this is on par as a kiss, a French kiss even. Cherry has also acknowledged that this is not an OK action. If this face licking had happened to a woman instead of another man, there would be a lot of calling this out as a consent issue. So why aren’t we talking about this here?
How is This a Consent Issue?
When you think about it, licking someone’s face is an incredibly intimate act. A person has to move very close into the personal space of someone else. That closeness to the face is usually reserved only for those who we are the most intimate with. Our intimacy in this area is also usually reserved most for those who we share a romantic attachment to. The use of the tongue for contact also is associated very strongly with kissing and sex.
All of these things tie into our feelings of how we would respond to someone unfamiliar, and that we potentially don’t like, leaning in and licking our face. It could be seen very much as a violation of autonomy in a way that is very personal. Situations like this should not happen in a private setting, nevermind one that is supposed to be a professional atmosphere. As a highly paid professional who is seen as a role model for many young people, this is even more unacceptable behavior.
The fact that Marchand doesn’t see it as a big deal speaks to the base attitude and entitlement that is the main problem at the root of consent issues. Why does he feel that he is entitled to violate the bodily space of someone else in such a cozy way?
Keep Your Face-Licking to Yourself, Unless You’re Asked!
Consent is all about respecting the bodily space of someone else. We should not be licking the faces of others unless that person is asking us to. A professional who is a role model to many young people should be setting a better example. Everyone needs to learn more and practice consent. If you’re interested in learning more, check out my book, “Got Consent?“.
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