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3 Tips to Resolving a Fight with Your Partner
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Solid and open communication is the key to any kind of successful relationship. The difficult thing about communication is that there are many different layers of being able to do it successfully. When we are having a fight with someone close to us, emotions can end up running high. We can feel vulnerable it can be really hard to think clearly. This can make clear communication even more challenging. So how do we handle an intense fight with a romantic partner? How do we keep those lines of communications open?
In a Fight, Timing is Everything
Usually fights aren’t a predictable thing. They often pop up at the moment and not always when it’s most convenient. The point of that isn’t to make it the most difficult but it’s usually triggered by something for someone. Whatever the reason someone feels the need to start the fight at that moment, it’s usually because the person feels pushed from something internal. They may know it’s not the best time but feel that they can’t wait any longer. If your partner is raising the issue with you, it’s important that you take the moment to stop and listen. This can be challenging when you’re caught off guard but it can be crucial in keeping communication open.
Taking the time to talk it out when it happens can be pretty important. People may have been trying to work up the courage to bring up the issue. If it is immediately brushed off, they may feel like their concerns are not being taken seriously or that they are less important. People are also more likely to be more honest in the moment where they feel ready to talk about it. If the conversation gets rescheduled, they may be in a different head space and not have everything they wanted to say in mind.
If it truly is not the moment that you can take or if there’s some other more pressing reason why it can’t be talked out then, it’s best to communicate that gently with your partner. Be clear about the reasons that the conversation needs to happen later. Ask them if it’s ok if the conversation is had later. And here’s the really important piece, schedule a time to sit down and talk about it later. It’s really important for the follow through to happen. If it doesn’t, it will erode the trust in your relationship and make things worse.
Keep a Cool Head
It’s natural for our emotions to run really hot during a fight with someone we are close to. The tough part about this is that it can compromise our thinking. We may say things we don’t mean or be intentionally hurtful in the heat of the moment. It may feel good at that point but it probably won’t later. It also won’t be good for the health of your relationship.
Everyone is different when it comes to conflict. There are a lot of different ways that people prefer to handle it or how they cope with it. When speaking to your partner, remember that how they cope with it may be very different from you. Remember to take a deep breath. Listen to the needs of your partner and if you need to moment to think or take a breath, let them know that.
The best way to ensure that fights don’t get too intense is to try to keep tension from building up. If something is bothering you, don’t let it build up. Bring it up with your partner and talk it out before it becomes a real issue. Create safe spaces for your partner to also bring up things that may be on their mind. This is an important part of keeping relationships strong.
Be Aware of Dismissive & Triggering Language
We all come with a past and previous experiences. Whether these are from friendships and relationships from our childhood to previous romantic attachments. Each of these interactions leaves their imprint on us. We grow with each relationship we have. Sometimes some of those attachments were hurtful, abusive, or damaging to our self-esteem. These memories and feelings can be triggered by certain words, phrases, mannerisms, or actions that were common from those bad situations. It’s important that we are aware of what we find uncomfortable and why. When these are communicated to our partners, it can help avoid an unnecessary upset.
If your partner has communicated anything that reminds them of past hurt, do your best to avoid those triggers during a fight. Using them, even unintentionally, can severely damage the trust in your relationship and escalate the fight. It can make your partner feel as if you don’t care about them. It can also create an association between you and the past negativity.
Don’t Let Fights Get Out of Hand
Fights in a relationship can happen for a lot of different reasons but it doesn’t need to always be intense or over the top. You and your partner can resolve any issues you have by taking things one step at a time, remembering to respect each other’s boundaries, and keeping communication open and safe. We are all on a journey and it takes knowledge and practice to get better. Keep building your knowledge and talk to people in your life.
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